Who I am Today

Hello All,

I hope today was a beautiful one in your books.

I have some ideas in the making, and as I start a new chapter of my life, I can’t help but reflect on the older parts of my life. Reflecting on who I was back in 2020 after my diagnosis, and who I am right here, right now.

I was reading back the staple of my story pinned to my page. I am thankful to say there has been major progress since that first initial post. — and although I do not want to altar the initial post — because those feelings are valid, and it was and is my truth of what that time of my life was like, I now want to do more of an “update” — to be able to see how far I’ve come, and share how life has been since.

I have had successes, and failures along the way, and here I can hold myself accountable for how things in my life are going.

The mirror is still an enemy. I still do constant body checks, and have distorted thoughts, more recently I have struggled with feeling comfortable eating again. I still have things I want to altar and change. I still have people I so desperately want to think I am beautiful. I still struggle.

— BUT I also don’t see recovery as just a need anymore, I want it. I strive to be comfortable, and at peace with my body because I deserve it. I find myself fueling my body because I understand the importance of it, and the want to be able to live a long life. I can say I haven’t skipped a full day of eating in months. I can say that I think my story and the things I go through resonate with people. I now can say that my message is important, even if I myself don’t always feel it.

I am still in college, I am able to live on my own. I have gained some trust with loved ones, and I have helped my parents understand what this disease can do to a person.

I hope you can reflect on your process and notice positives. It is not meant to be a fast and painless process, but it is a process worth going through.

Be proud of how far you’ve come. Be proud of the things you never thought you’d be able to do again. Be proud of the set backs, because that in itself still means you’re trying.

Thank you for all who keep up with my content and I have many exciting things coming up.

As always, remember that you are worthy, and deserving of peace with your body.

Love Always,

Rachel

(Please please feel free to contact me with any things you are going through, I am a nonjudgmental shoulder always.)