I Like to Swim

Goodmorning All, I hope everyone is thriving, fueling their bodies, and becoming the healthiest versions of themselves.

Today I would like to reflect on the person I am today and imagine the person I will be in 50 years.

In 50 years I will be seventy years old, God willing I make it that far, and I often think about what I want my life to be like. I think about what makes a life a memorable one, a successful one.

So what is a successful life in your book? Some may say a fulfilling career, starting a family, money, having a marriage last. Some may say a successful life is full of learning from failures and becoming a better person from previous mistakes. — and I agree with all of this, but I think there is a lot more than just the idea of the “what measures up” to a good life from society’s viewpoint, or what people tell us.

— And if the measures of a successful life in your book mean a high income, and someone who has all their shit together, then some may say I’m a failure.

For me what a good life would be is being able to love myself for more than how I look. It would be not having the fear of having a child because of how my body will look after. It would be eating food I love without all the guilt that comes after. It would be telling some guy I loved him, and that he would reciprocate that regardless of how my body looks. For me it would be tanning at the beach without the fear of how my stretch marks look in the sun, it would be swimming in a crowd full of people, simply because I like to swim.

In 50 years I don’t want to look back at the materials I had, or the things I did because I thought that would fill some type of void. In 50 years I wanna be able to say that I did the things I was afraid to do. The things that I never thought I’d be able to because of how I thought of my body and my appearance.

Today I am 20 years old. I am over a year in my recovery process. I am stronger. I still struggle and have doubts. The reflection in the mirror isn’t something I love, but it is now something I am proud of. I get up now, and can see a bigger picture and silver lining about things I want in my life for my future.

Today I am 20. And TODAY God is letting me live another day. TODAY is the day to wear a bikini, and name my future children. TODAY is the day to get up and try for the life I so badly want to tell people about in 50 years.

Today is all I have right now, it is all you have. Today is the start of who you wanna be in a couple years, and the stories of what you did, not what you wanted to do, but never got the chance to.

It’s a hard process. Life. Life is a hard process, and it’s a first for all of us. Today we don’t have to be “better,” but today we can start working towards it.

I hope you all are still fighting no matter where you are in your journey. I hope you eat something today. I hope you tell someone you love them today. I hope you appreciate the things you have lost, and appreciate yourself for all of the things you went through alone.

As always contact me with any comments/questions/ or concerns. I am praying you may all find peace.

With Love,

Rachel