Feeling Lost...

So far throughout my recovery process, and maybe yours too, I have personally felt like I have lost myself. Sometimes I feel as if I lost myself to my disorder, while other times I felt that I have just became a person I don’t recognize at all anymore — I place blame on myself and that gets me no where besides a more depressive state.

Recovery is more than just learning how to manage food comfortably, but also with being comfortable with yourself, your diagnosis, and really figuring out who you want to be and how you want to grow.

People tend to focus so much on the food aspect and forget to remember how much of a toll this takes on our mental and emotional well being. It is so much easier to classify an eating disorder with just distorted thoughts about food — and yes that is true — but it is so much more than that.

I want your recovery journey to be about more than just fixing the issue right in front of us, but taking a deeper look to what could have started this all in the first place. My issues personally stem from genetics and self hatred issues that I put on myself. Others may have been bullied, others could’ve had no prominent issue with the outside world at all. To fix the disorder, we have to face it — from ALL angles. The journey is about finding ourselves outside of our disease, outside of out mental perceptions, and outside of the mirror.

It is BEYOND normal to face internal challenges while going through recovery. Most of my anorexia battle IS internal! I lost myself and I want to find her, and I want to do it without hiding behind my unhealthy eating habits.

Don’t let your eating disorder take away and stunt your growth as an individual anymore. It has taken so much — and I don’t want it to take anymore. We are more than what internal or external voices are telling us. We have this disease, we are NOT the disease.