Dear Little Me

Hello everyone. I pray everyone is fueling their bodies and working towards a happier life during their recovery journey. This specific post is a note to the young girl I used to be. To the girl I robbed of so many years. To the girl I wish I could’ve warned.

Dear Little Me,

Hi Rachel, it’s you. You are currently 20 years old, still believing in magic, longing for the fairytale love, and laughing loud as ever. You still have so many traits I pray we never grow out of. — but for this moment I would like to take some time and explain a few things to you, the things you never saw coming, and apologize to you for the things you could not control — apologize to you for stealing some of the light in your once pure and young little eyes.

When we hit about age twelve things started to click for you. The bubble you tried to shelter yourself in popped, you started realizing life isn’t perfect — a lesson you had to learn, a lesson you grew from. People started dying, love started splitting, and you were left forming habits you didn’t know were bad at the time.

You grew up with so much love around you, you gave so much to others, but you forgot to give some to yourself. I am so sorry this world made you believe you were less then. I am sorry you saw self hatred as normal. I am sorry you found comfort in the dislike of your own body.

I want to take a moment to apologize to this girl. To when I look at this picture I don’t want to harm her body, or alter it the way I want to alter mine. From this day forward I want to try to remember this face as the one I am restricting from, not the body and face I have now. I want to remember what I took from her, to try and help me not take anything else.

I hope you all can carry these same tactics with you as you toss and turn in the mirror wishing your body was anything else than what God blessed you with. I pray you find ways to give the young - full of hope and dreams - kid you once were the peace of mind you deserve about your body.

I want you to print out a young picture of you, a note of self worth, or a photo of your child that your body was ABLE to carry and place it on the mirror. I want you to remember the things your body can do, have done, and will do — and hope you can remember that you are SO much more than how your body looks.

It is never too late to practice self love and start recovery. I hope you know that wherever you are in your life journey, that I am proud of you, and that life is too precious to go any longer hating the beautiful person God created you to be.

I am so sorry sweet girl, I hope you will one day forgive me.

Love Always,

Rach