How to explain an ED to someone who doesn't understand:

Through the years I have been trying to hide my ED from everyone possible. I was embarrassed, didn’t want to change my habits, and I knew that no one can truly understand if they have never been through it themselves.

Once I got my official diagnosis in December of 2020, I was faced with many questions. Many “whys” and “how’s” coming from my family members. I couldn’t explain it. How do you tell your family you hate everything about yourself? How can you grow up with so much love, but can’t feel love for yourself?

I came across an article and one statement stuck out to me most.

It went something like this...

“Imagine yourself playing music on your computer and opening another tab. An AD now pops up and starts playing. Your computer freezes. Now you have music and an ad playing at the same time and you can’t focus on either message. That’s what an ED can look like.”

I had my thoughts of “Eat Rachel, you don’t want to die....” but also “You are fat Rachel, you don’t need it.” Suddenly I couldn’t look at a piece of food without every thought of negative and positive outcomes. And after a while I just started listening to the negative ones.

It turned into, “what’s one more skipped meal, I can do this.” -- And absolutely hating myself every time I would nourish my body. I still cannot be comfortable after a meal, and I want so badly to change that.

The truth of the matter is no one can truly understand if they haven't gone through it, but there is beauty in that. I am so thankful most people around me cannot understand hatred of ones own body.

Sit down and talk it out, explain what you know, and share what you can't put into words. Don't shut your feelings out because your family/friends may seem frustrated --- THEY AREN'T... they are just concerned. They want to know your struggles because they so badly want to help.

Sometimes when you are able to hear your own thoughts out loud, you too can see the distorted way you think when it comes to food.