Betting On You.....

Hello all, today I come to you with advice, rather than my usual “I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing with my life” post — although those feelings still stand.

Over the past few weeks I have unlocked a new fear, but rather than shutting myself out from the world, it has motivated me in a way to want to do better in my life.

So I want you to read these words that were said to me because they keep replaying in my mind…

“I don’t wanna you to wake up in 20 years and tell the world how great you could’ve been…”

Read that again.

Over the span of my (almost) 20 years on this Earth I have been unable to bet on myself. In my head there is always someone prettier, skinnier, smarter, happier, and all around better than me. So I haven’t taken chances, fallen in love, eaten the food, tried out for the team, let anyone get too close, or anything under the sun for the sole fear of rejection and not being good enough for what I truly want in life.

Betting on myself isn’t something I have been good at. I don’t try for anything because I am convinced someone can always do it better than me, be better than me. So I let opportunities, people, and life slip right away from me.

And with that outlook — I will never have anything worth living for. I will never achieve something bigger than myself. I have stunted my own growth as an individual because I’m afraid of not being wanted, or even losing something I never had in the first place — But truth is, if you don’t bet you can never win.

If you don’t try, you can only fail and miss out on the most amazing opportunities life can offer.

The chance of you finding something worth living for, without fighting for it is slim to none. You can live a content life, but why should “content” = “happy” …. You may find yourself being alive, but not really living, and being only comfortable and stable — and what is fun about that?

I have spent countless nights in my room comparing myself, and feeling pity because life hasn’t come easy for me. In some instances I’ve lost in all, I lost a lot in my diagnosis with anorexia, other times I’ve had it all, but still felt empty. I haven’t found the balance of getting better and being better for myself because I think it is impossible to achieve, but its not. I am capable of making a good life for myself and my future — and so are you.

Life really sucks sometimes, but I believe there is always a bigger picture. Something else out there to live and love for. Something else to give the world, even when you feel like you have nothing else to give.

So be great today and tomorrow and be great for the rest of your life. Because before you know it 20 years will pass, and what do you wanna have to show that you lived, that you loved, and that you did it. What do you wanna have to show the world that you were HERE, because one day we won’t be — now, that goal may look different for everyone, but it is something to strive for no matter what future you envision for yourself.

Maybe your goal is to be a writer, or to have a reciprocated love, or to be on stage. Maybe it’s just to live and try for another day…. Whatever it is you got it, you are strong, and you are worthy of the life you so desperately want and deserve.

So go for the job, go for the girl or the guy, prove to the world you are something special, and that one day they will all see it. Go on the spontaneous trips, and eat the cake. Love people unconditionally, and push for everyone around you to better themselves.

Bet on yourself. Bet that you may not win them all, but you will something greater than ever imagined if you just push yourself to try for it, to fight for it. Be willing to lose and learn from it. Be willing to heal your heart in all aspects and know that healing is not linear. Let your setbacks be a form of redirecting rather than giving up.

Love Always,

Rachel